the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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