And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
