Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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