I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
