I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
