As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
