talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
