So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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