I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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