She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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