margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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