i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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