My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
