when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
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I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
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I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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