Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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