her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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