So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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