This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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