My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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