I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
