Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
