I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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