I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
