I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
