i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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