hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
