How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
