billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you will always have a special place in my vag
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
