I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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