well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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