You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
