Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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