There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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