He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
