It's like God shit irony all over that family
I got her a Nickelback box set.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did you pee in the oven last night??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
