It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
