Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
