I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
