You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
