also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
