ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
