maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
