Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
