I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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