I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drake has all the answers
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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