just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
