please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
