Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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