it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
