"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
