If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
