this boner is exhausting
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
