so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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