We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
