so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
