Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
