How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
