R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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