I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
