I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
