i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my sisters under your porch take her home
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
