i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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