We're facebook friends in real life
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
