If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
