If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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