hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
