he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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